Sunday, December 28, 2008

"I'm a bitch, you knew this."
"Yeah, well I'm greedy. "

Friday, December 26, 2008

you're fantastic

Rawry is finally coming out of her "heat week". This is great news because I'm really getting sick of hearing her mating call at 4 in the morning. I'm also getting sick of her walking around with her ass way up in the air and her rubbing up against the furniture. I don't even want to touch her, all that is going through her little kitty head is sex sex sex. :( ew. In other news, Christmas was delightful. It was very chill. We really didn't go all out this year (present wise), Jon didn't even get anyone anything which was kind of awkward. What a douche. Camille, Maggie, Wendy, Justin and I all went to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Christmas night. It was a good movie but it was definitely one that you only want to see once. I've eaten so much since Christmas Eve and i really don't feel bad. I'm pretty much eating the same amount as what Justin eats everyday. I hate that kid, he eats whatever he wants and never gains a pound. I swear that boy has a hollow leg.
...lets get naked.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

John Cleary Gallery

Rodney Smith: Surreal

twins in tree

leaning house

guys with boxes on head

Stanko Abadzic: feet and cello

Richard Drury: red calla 2

Maggie, the last one is for you:). Ha.

Friday, December 19, 2008


I have officially finished Christmas shopping!!! and and and I have $10 left over. Ballin'!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

motherly love

Justin won't come home:(. I automatically hate anyone who makes him feel like shit. In this case it's my mom. The things that come out of this woman's mouth are obscene. When she is mad at you, she will find anything and everything that will get you down and she will throw it in your face. You tell her things in confidence and she will somehow use it against you. I understand that she hates her life but it's her fault. She has had so many opportunities to get out and do something that would make her happy but she never takes them. I swear all she knows how to do is complain, fight, and be miserable. I swear she enjoys making other people miserable. She is honestly the most negative person I have ever known. I hate knowing that I hate my own mother. ahh i hate her but she's my mom, I can't fully hate her even if i tried. I try so hard to find a warm side to her but even if I do it only lasts for a day at the most. I've said it before, the only person I truly care about in this family is Justin. As for the rest of them, good luck to ya.

yes, mr. todd

I'm almost done Christmas shopping which is good but still I'm cutting it kind of close. I think I'll finish it up tomorrow. As long as I don't have to drive. My car's tank is as empty as it can get. My dad would be so pissed if he knew. He gets really mad at me if my car is on E. Oh well. In other news, the magster is coming home for like a month which is amazing:). I miss that B word. Today was the first real snow fall of the year and I must say, I really hate the snow. It's so cold and wet. Plus I'm the one who has to shovel. lame. The one thing I love about cold snowy days though is that you have an excuse to stay inside and do nothing. And that is exactly what I did today with Camille. We stayed in my nice warm room (the only warm room in the house) and watched movies and some of that tv. As I was driving her home I soon realized that my car doesn't handle very well in the snow. I think maybe because its a rear wheel drive piece of shit that doesn't have snow tires. Yeah, I'm destined to die this winter.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

I never really knew the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

simply because...shhhh...

And there was this one lady at the bar and she was trying to buy gin
And this other lady at the bar and she was trying to sell gin
It worked out good for the boths of them

what vagina?

AAahahha i Frickin love love love her.<3.:D

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Ting Tings

They call me 'hell'
They call me 'Stacey'
They call me 'her'
They call me 'Jane'
That's not my name
That's not my name
That's not my name
That's not my name
They call me 'quiet'
But I'm a riot
Always the same
That's not my name
That's not my name
That's not my name
That's not my name
Are you calling me darling?
Are you calling me bird?

I guarantee this song will be stuck in your head. I died laughing when i heard it. All i could think of was this big mad black woman screaming at people saying "That's not my name". ahh I love it.
Its called That's not my name ( I know, I know who would have figured?) and its by The Ting Ting's. mmm i love it.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008


It was my turn to decide
I knew this was our time
No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

right brain vs. left brain tests

alleged left brain/right brain test. Find the man in the coffee beans.

Doctors have concluded that, if you find the man in 3 seconds, then the Right half of your brain is better developed than most people. --(I did that! mama's proud)
If you find the man between 3 seconds and one minute, then your right Half of the brain is developed normally.
If you find the man between one minute and 3 minutes, then the right Half of your brain is functioning slowly and you need to Eat more protein.

Look at the chart below and say the color of the word - not the word itself.
The right side of the brain tries to say the color while the left side tries to say the word.

Color Test right brain left brain

(I said all of the colors except for the last one for some reason I said orange. Then I tried it again and I said orange again? me smart!)

Do you see the dancer turning clockwise or anti-clockwise?
If clockwise, then you use more of the right side of the brain and vice versa. Most of us would see the dancer turning anti-clockwise though you can try to focus and change the direction; see if you can do it.

Dancer test

(I see her going clockwise. I don't understand how she could be going anti-clockwise?)

LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS uses logic, detail oriented, facts rule, words and language, present and past, math and science,can comprehend, knowing, acknowledges, order/pattern perception, knows object name, math and science, reality based, forms strategies, practical, safe.
uses feeling,"big picture" oriented, imagination rules, symbols and images, present and future, art and music, philosophy & religion, can "get it" (i.e. meaning),believes, appreciates, spatial perception, knows object function, fantasy based, presents possibilities, impetuous, risk taking.

In conclusion, I'm a right brain I guess. yay?

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

HPV? no thanks.

I'm officially one-less today!!! whooo! and and and i got a kickass bandaid.B)

Well... I still go to my pediatrician and today Justin and I met this nurse who I guess was our nurse when we were little.

nurse- " aww, oh my goodness I remember you two when you were just babys."
Justin- "yeah, we're pretty unforgettable."
nurse- "oh, well I see someone loves themself." (walks away).

aaahahaha I died.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

mmm windex

I can't turn my head off :(. It's going a million miles an hour and I'm really not in the mood for it. Whenever this happens I usually try to get lost in doing pointless things. I spent the entire day in my room cleaning everything in sight. I mean everything. I washed my drawers? I think I've finally lost it. I woke up freaking out that under my bed was a mess. It's not anymore. Mitzy was under my bed while I was cleaning it and every time I put my hand under she would bite me. It was kind of funny and kind of scary. ahhh I keep thinking ahead and I'm expecting the worst. negative nancy. :( I'm just not a happy camper right now.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

turkey sluts

This holiday was one of the best, tension and stress free holidays that i have ever had. While my family headed off to Massachusetts to eat turkey with some loud and obnoxious Moscone's, Justin and I stayed home and made our own Thanksgiving. We had planned on getting chinese take out but to our surprise (not really) the chinese place was closed. Thank god for plan B (not the morning after pill). We made some delicious salmon with this amazing hot raspberry sauce, wild rice, spicy broccoli, mushrooms, and pan seared shrimp. Ohh my goodness it was so good. Honestly it was probably the best thing I have ever eaten. It was fun cooking and knowing that no one would scream at us if we made a mess. We laughed all day. This was the first holiday that I really realized and got to see how the whole "holiday happiness" thing comes from and has a lot to do with the people who surround you. People really have no idea how tense my house is around the holidays (or any day for that matter) when my mom and dad are here. It's horrible, no one can relax. I don't understand how people can be so ready to fight all the time. Having Justin in my family keeps me sane. He's really the only one I actually like. I guess if I'm thankful for anything on this day it would be that I have him in my family. I'm also thankful for anyone else who is in my life that i love and who keeps me going.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

sarcasm? whats that?

So omm i just saw Twilight and it was totally everything i'd ever hoped it would be! Edward, with all of his sparkly goodness and his big ass head just stole my heart! If someone could just please please please watch me while i sleep and stalk the shit of me that would be fantastic!!! Not to mention highly romantic. He's just so protective of Bella, it's not even remotely creepy. The way Edward just shimmered and sparkled in the sunlight made me feel like my soul was shimmering and sparkling as well. God he's pretty! (pretty gay). I use to think that when people were staring at me with hate in their eyes meant that they didn't like me but ohh was i wrong! I now know that it means they love me and like the way i smell! Edward made me see that people with huge heads usually have huge hearts (and probably a small penis). I'm kind of upset that Bella ended up with Edward because that means Edward is taken! I'm just going to have to search for my own magic glitter boy. I think i'll have some luck at the techno rainbow club. Oh what am i saying? even the gayest most sparkliest man could never compare to Edward! Mrs. Jillian Cullen. Yes, yes that sounds just right.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

rawry is on me... it's hard to type.

So i'm all signed up for classes and though i'm not 100% content with them, i'm not really displeased with them. I really wish i could have gotten into an art class but they couldn't fit my schedule around it. I went and saw Tibbz today and i told her about my heart ache and she said that if she was there, she would have taken care of me. I do love that woman. Today i had my interview with bath and body works and i must say... yeah girly stores really aren't for me. It was a group interview and the woman giving the interview said that we were all "qualified". damn right i'm qualified i'm fuckin' famous. i think im going to apply to petco and go from there. I really don't want to sell people lotion that smells like ass and will probably break them out. Yeah i'm all set on that.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Be here now

Don't let your mind get weary and confused
Your will be still, don't try
Don't let your heart get heavy child
Inside you there's a strength that lies
Don't let your soul get lonely child
It's only time, it will go by
Don't look for love in faces, places
It's in you, that's where you'll find kindness
Be here now, here now
Don't lose your faith in me
And I will try not to lose faith in you
Don't put your trust in walls
'Cause walls will only crush you when they fall

Thursday, November 13, 2008

look whoes trying

Alright, this time is for real now. I'm signing up for all of my classes on the 17th which is Monday I think and I have a job interview with bath and body works on Wednesday. I walked into bath and body works today to hand in my application and it just smelled like a holiday whore in there. blahk. Justin and I agree that I really have no place in a girly sparkly store but whatev. I'm not going to be that disappointed if i don't get the job, not gunna lie. I've already had two anxiety attacks just thinking about starting school and a new job. I don't understand why because I want to go to school and i (kinda, not really) want to get a job (I really need money). I've found that the things that I fear the most are usually the things that I want the most. I kind of like putting myself through the things that I fear because most of the time it means that I'm moving forward. Soon maybe I'll have a life! Also, Jonathan has been talking about moving to Rhode Island and now I'm kind of looking into Rhode Island again. I was pretty much obsessed with the idea of moving there when I was a freshman. I really have no reasons why, I've never even been. It just sounds like a good idea. Then again there's always Oregon. I'll probably just end up following Justin. I'm staying in Maine for a while, that's all i know.
Oh! Oh! I keep forgetting for some reason that Sarah Silverman is on tonight and every time I see a commercial for it I just fill up with glee. oh I do love that woman.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


Tell me the air up here's too thin
You can't feel the wind when it moves
Tell me the stars are made of tin
And that they're bangin on the roof
Close your eyes
If you dont want to say
Close your eyes
What keeps you awake?
The sun will rise
And keep your mind at ease
So close your eyes

Sunday, November 9, 2008

screws and power tools.

Yesterday was just full of lovely surprises. Camille surprised me in the morning with coffee which was just the best way for me to start my day.=]. Maggie surprised me by coming over for a sleepover party where we ate way too much food and watched "scary" movies. Also, I may have raped her. Amazing. Yesterday was just a really good day filled with all of my favorite people. I love it when Maggie comes home from college. It always feels like nothing has changed. Today was just another Sunday. I really hate Sundays. Even the word just makes me feel so.. I don't even know. I was woken up at 6 by my parents screaming at each other, which i know was probably a joy for Maggie to hear. I pretty much spent the rest of the day in bed. I'm still really tired. Oh, I also helped my dad build a counter today. My dad always wanted three boys but he got two and me. Turns out I'm of more of a "boy" then his two sons. Not too proud of that one.

Thursday, November 6, 2008


It's not that I hang on every word
I hang myself on what you repeat
It's not that I keep hanging on
I'm never letting go

Wednesday, November 5, 2008


“Proposition 8 is a societal stabilizer and better for children to have marriage only defined as man and woman.” BULLSHIT! I don’t understand why everyone still doesn't have equal rights. I don’t understand why gay’s are still treated like second class citizens. I’m sick of hearing, “the bible says this” and “Jesus doesn’t like that“. The things about homosexuality were put in the bible long after the bible was written. Also the bible doesn't say shit about gay marriage. I laughed about the fact that Mormons were for Prop 8. Are you fucking kidding me? Proposition 8 is the fucking gayest ban that has ever been passed in my opinion.

“Lawyers for same-sex couples said they will argue that the anti-gay-marriage measure was an illegal constitutional revision -- not a more limited amendment, as backers said.The legal action contends that Proposition 8 actually revises the state constitution by altering such fundamental tenets as equal-protection guarantees.”


Tuesday, November 4, 2008

President Obama.

=]=]=]=]=]=] Yay Yay Yay Obama! finally it's over. no more retarded McCain and Palin. McCain'08!!! Ha Ha. Ew my ignorant uncle called today and Justin picked up the phone and my uncle was like, "Obama is a terrorist, he's going to kill us all.". You can just imagine Justins response. He was so pissed. WELL HA stupid uneducated uncle, you can take your McCain signs and shove them up your ass! Justin and I had to make our parents vote today. Shouldn't it be the other way around? ahh I feel relieved that Obama is president. relieved and hopeful and just happy. Black Power! i honestly would have moved to Canada if McCain became president. Yay =].

things that are on my mind.

-you know, i think i've found a good balance emotion wise. before they were just, i don't know, too strong i guess. negative and positive which just drove me crazy. but yeah now im good. im happy.
-your the only person that could make my heart pound this way.
-thank you sarah silverman for calming me down.
-i feel like my life will soon be going somewhere. even if im not 100% sure what im going to do with it.
-i hate keeping secrets and this one is kind of weighing me down. it's also alllways on my mind.
-some of my thoughts won't make sense to most people and don't ask.
-if obama doesn't win tomorrow im moving to canada.
-venassa called me selfish today at the dinner table and i felt like throwing my chicken cutlet at her.
-i've found that i really don't need the acceptance of my mother (i really felt like i did). bitch i do what i want.
-i grew up with this huge "fuck you" attitude and it's kind of coming back. it's really not a bad thing. it's more of a shield if you will.
-i really need to make money to buy people christmas presents.
-the nerves in my neck are just horrible.
-im over missing brianna. i got over that faster then i had expected.
-im getting tired. its getting late.
-i wish i could become famous for doing nothing.
-i love you.
-we're getting new counter tops that are sexy.
-i wish i had my own place (well not my own, with a roommate.)
-i always write these things at a very late hour when my head is just all over the place. probably not the best thing.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

twins n shit

I said i was going to go to bed early tonight but... yeah i don't think that is going to happen. You see i was thirsty and I noticed that my mom bought me two boxes of diet mountain dew=]. So that is what I am currently drinking which means I'm going to be up all night. I told Camille that i was going to dedicate my next blog to being a twin with justin. So here it is.

I can't imagine going through life without a twin. There's a bond that no one could break -- (okay justin just came in my room drunk and he was choking on an apple peel, perfect!) -- I feel like no matter what I do I know that at least one person will always accept me. He's the one person that I'm really the most comfortable with, we can be ourselves without being judged by one another. I love the fact that we've always been friends. I mean, I'm friends with my older brother Jon but we could never be as close as Justin and I. Also, I think Jon is douche bag. Justin's a douche bag but its funny. It's scary to think that I'm going to be starting school without him. When we moved to South Berwick we knew that even if we hated everyone it would be fine because at least we had each other. (everything I'm writing just sounds really cheesy.) I'm afraid to start someplace new and not have anyone. I actually have a huuuge fear of being alone, of ending up alone. When justin and i are together there is always this sense of comfort, like no one could really hurt us. I know that in order for me to grow i need to step out of that comfort zone and not rely on Justin always being there. Growing up with someone pretty much glued to your hip kind of makes you depend on that person a little bit too much. - that's probably the only "down" side about having a twin. So yeah, that's what i have to say about being a twin... boop.
Oh one more thing, to all the people who are like "why are you friends with your brother? that's just weird. You guys hang out together? why?", Fuck you tard.

Friday, October 31, 2008


ahhhh. hello. im bored, i thought watching the ghost hunters live would tickle my fancy but it just really doesn't. I've been thinking that i really want to go to college now. I just dont know what to do with myself anymore! I could stay in bed all day (like i pretty much did today) and it really wouldn't matter. You know what I really want? more fucking friends around here. I miss my friends=( but like maggie said, "what can you do?". I hope college will have some interesting people. It's actually really hard for me to make friends. I have come to the conclusion that either 1. people just don't like me or they think im a bitch(which im really not). and/or 2. I just don't trust most people. It's hard for me to invite people into my world because they'll probably just end up leaving or go against me and i hate that feeling. But I think I hate being lonely more so... fuck it i guess. I'll just have to harden my shell. But yeah I also have to go job hunting again because things can't frickin be that easy. blahhh i really don't want a job but i really need one. any suggestions? Im probably going to end up quiting every job i get after a week. or not, i guess i've never really had commitment issues. ommm okay, thats all.

motherly love

A conversation that I just had with my mom:

me- mom come here and hug me.
mom- fine. i love you.
me- hahaha oh okay.
mom- i do, with all my heart. now pick up those towels, your such a stupid lazy fucking cunt.
me- ohh mom you do love me.

That was actually a nice moment.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008


Should I re-live my life
I'd run into you much sooner.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008


I forgot how well you knew me and how much you're able to cheer me up. You've always been able to cheer me up.

Monday, October 27, 2008

high five

Well, i can't sleep. I was reading an article about finger length (really random, i know) and apparently your fingers can tell a lot about a person. For example, if your a girl and your ring finger is shorter then your index finger and/or if they are the same length, you are more likely to be straight, good at reading and writing, "feminine", getting breast cancer. If you are a girl and your ring finger is longer then your index finger you are more likely to be good at math, science, and sports. Also you are more likely to be gay, left handed, more aggressive, and have autism. For guys it's the opposite, if their ring finger is longer then their index finger they are usually good at reading and writing, and are usually straight [etc.]. This all has to do with the levels of testosterone you have in the womb since testosterone is responsible for the length of your fingers. They have actually linked this to the "gay gene" trying to prove that being gay is through nature, not nurture. So uh.. yeah, there you go. I had waay too much caffeine today and i really cant sleep. So im reading pointless things.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

praise 'em

To keep in mind the line that separates idols
If the world is a dream and nothing is worth it
Unless you have a god
But we won't be saved
We'll live as slaves to love
What God takes away
Let's refill all the holes with mud
"Purchase your tickets; I'm kicking your crosses down".

Stys suck

True life: i have the biggest Fing sty in my eye=(. it hurts like the dickens it does. =(=(=(. i hate it i hate it. I thought i got rid of it yesterday but i woke up this morning and i couldn't open my eye it was so swollen. gahhh. i was going to go get my license picture tomorrow too. I look like i have ptosis. But on a more positive note my mom got me diet mountain dew=]. mmm. im actually drinking one right now. 3rd one today and i've only been up for an hour. Oh and im pisseddd! justin got called in to work today! i have been waiting for fucking yankee candle or old navy to call me for two weeks now! justin waited two days. grrr. well, im not that that pissed. i really don't want to work i just want money. i suppose im going to have to work a couple more days for my dad. i have $10 to my name and i need gas. Justin ended up seeing Saw V last night with Jon and Vanessa and now Justin thinks that he might actually like Vanessa. I want Brianna! Fuck Vanessa!>:O! The thing is, Vanessa is actually a nice girl but she's no Brianna. I just can't see why Jon left Bri for her. Oh well, its his life and i would never put Vanessa down in front of him. you know... i think i like Bri more then i like my own brother =x.

Saturday, October 25, 2008


Let me just start this off with this : maggie I totally hung up on you when you called. It's not what you think! your still the love of my life! you see i was in a movie and it was getting to the good parts. i had planned on calling you back but i didn't expect the movie to be that long and i thought you might be sleeping. in conclusion, im sorry pooper. But yeah Camille(the love of my life), Justin and i saw W. It made me see Bush differently. I still think he is a shitty ass president who drove our economy into the ground but the movie makes you feel kind of bad for him. He really is just an average guy who never should have became president. There were these two girls in the movie theater who i loooved. they were so loud and commented on pretty much everything. then they dropped a can and it scared the shit out of Justin which made me happy. also when we were all walking to the movies this little girl stared at Camille and was all like "hey i know you", but Camille had no idea who this girl was and Justin found this to be hilarious and spit his coffee everywhere laughing. Camille is probably this secrete disney channel star and all of the little girls love her. --The little girl came out of the movie theater after seeing high school musical and recognized Camille as being the wildcats head cheerleader.-- That's what really happened. mm that's sexy.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

9 crimes

Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be thinking of you
It's the wrong time
For somebody new
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse
And is that alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright?
If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it
That alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright, yeah, with you?

Tuesday, October 21, 2008


Alright, this I found to be fucking hilarious! The other night Justin and I were having a very "serious" conversation.
Justin - " I use to call becca by the wrong name. It was a name that sounded like Rebecca."
me- " hmm well lets list off girls names that start with R."

soo we went on listing all of the "R" names and we some how ended up with "Wicktoria" and "Wanessa".

me - "Justin I think you mean Victoria and Vanessa. And those don't start with R. How about Rita!?"
Justin - " Noo, and besides Rita starts with a W. You know like wreading."
me - "writing?"

Ahahahhah I was crying I was laughing so hard. okay so we were clearing intoxicated but that just made it even more hilarious. He was trying to sound so smart and he believed everything that he was saying and defended himself when you tried to correct him. But in the end we were both screaming laughing. It was one of those "you had to be there" moments I think.

sweet and low

Today while I was looking for this so called "anti-drug", I had an epiphany. There is only one person in this world that I know of who would completely agree with it. I just got off the phone with her and I must say I envy her heart. It's perfect for this stupid epiphany that I had. I feel like for once in my life I'm sure of something. Although I really wish I wasn't so sure of it, it's not really something i want, more like something I need to come to terms with. I never should have let my guard down.

Sunday, October 19, 2008


woooah FEmotions, calm down.

Thursday, October 16, 2008


I finally sent out my applications to yankee candle and (blahk) old navy. I figure though, if I don't get the job at yankee candle I'll probably just end up working at weathervane with Justin. Tomorrow I plan on going and picking my classes for the winter. See I'm ttrrying to go in the right direction. I guess it's really not that hard. ohhh and Sarah Silverman is on tonight=]=]=]. She really makes me happy. I love her life. Oh and this is for Maggie: Justin and I are thinking about applying to Farmington. I might transfer next Fall and Justin wants to go in the Winter. But I'm not promising anything, Justin and I were just discussing it and I thought it would be ammazing. We miss the Magster=(.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008


Cath, she stands with a well-intentioned man
But she can't relax with his hand on the small of her back
And as the flashbulbs burst
She holds a smile like someone would hold a crying child
And soon everybody will ask what became of you
'Cause your heart was dying fast, and you didn't know what to do
Cath, it seems that you live in someone else's dream
In a hand-me-down wedding dress
Where the things that could have been are repressed

daydreaming beats realitys ass.

For as long as I can remember I have always spent at least half of my days daydreaming. This probably isn't a good thing because I usually daydream about real life situations. I take something horrible (or something that I would only find to be horrible) and turn it into something that would somehow benefit me, although really that would never be the case. Well today i really didn't daydream at all, instead i was in "realityland". That land fucking sucks. I'm grateful for what I have but I don't feel like it's enough (I mean that in the least selfish way possible). Daydreaming has always made me feel like things are better then they really are. Reality just makes me feel like shit. And the thing is I know exactly what I need to do to fix it and yet I don't. I don't get it. Well there's always suppression. I can pretty much guarantee that by tomorrow I'll feel fine.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008


Right now I have this very overwhelming feeling of exhaustion and happiness. I had a very surprising conversation with Celina the other day and it really just was a relief I guess would be the word. In some ways it kind of gave me hope (for lack of a better word), I don't know. Talking to her brought up a lot of things about the past and it really made me realize how much I have changed. I really never gave a shit about anyone, and now I'm always wondering if I have let anyone close to me down or if there is anything I can do to make them feel better or to take some stress off their hands. I don't know, I think the big problem that I have with other people (oddly especially my parents) is that they sometimes expect certain things from me and I really hate disappointing them when I just can't do it. I also hate thinking that people, even the ones that love me, won't except me or some of the choices that I have made. For a person that is feeling happy I'm sure talking a lot about things that I hate. Well anyways I saw Edgar today for the first time in forever. I couldn't talk to him one on one (although we both really wanted to) and i couldn't touch him because of his church rules. But other then that it was really nice to see him. He can always make me laugh. After that I went out with Justin and we just had an hilarious time, which is good because I've really been stressing about the whole college/job issue. I think once I actually get a life I'll be able to enjoy life a lot more. Not having an actual plan is getting scary. I'm really trying to work on my lack of ambition problem.

Friday, October 10, 2008

mom, run, yum, ha.

So my mother has been a crazy as usual and she has gotten up early everyday and has been disappearing for hours on end. yesterday she came home at like 1 in the morning. what a crazy. but anyways it has been good because now justin and i dont have to listen to her bitch. Today we woke up and went for a walk/run at vaughan woods and it was amazing. Plus the weather is perfect.=] i love perfect weather. i also love jumping around in crunchy leafs. ahh so far today has been really good. and hopefully i get to see my maggie tonight. i know later today im going out for burritos with wendy and her new (but not as cool) friends. so yay, i love burritos. I keep thinking of this conversation that i had earlier and it is just making me laugh inside. its very humorous to me. thats really all i can say. before i wasn't exactly sure if the move here was for the better but now i am (HIV) positive it was. haha oh god, i love people sometimes.

Thursday, October 9, 2008


I kissed your mouth
You do not need me.

Monday, October 6, 2008

The Trip

Last week Camille and I took a little trip up to Canada to pick up Justin and bring him home. Surprisingly we didn't get lost once. Our parents were all anticipating a phone call from us telling them to either come and get us or to figure out where the hell we were but we were good. We stopped off in Vermont and figured out where all of the sexies have been hiding. When we got to Canada we realized that we had booked a hotel in the creepiest part of Montreal. But you know, that is just fine because i love ghetto. The hotel itself was actually respectable for $69 a night. The trip was really just stress free, we woke up everyday and just did what we felt like doing. I also got to prove to Camille and Justin just how much of a light weight I am. That night wasn't very fun for me. I woke up with bruised knuckles, apparently i hit a floor. Justin was driving back from Canada and we had to stop and get gas about an hour and a half into the trip. He decided that we should use my dad's credit card to fill the tank. I thought that was a good idea since we had used up a great deal of our cash. Well my very forgetful brother left the credit card at the gas station and we drove off. Who ever needed gas after us was a mother fucker and spent over $2,000 on the card, on what i don't know. Calling my parents and explaining to them that they had to cancel the card was... difficult. Saying that my mother is a bitch is an understatement. I honestly don't think I have ever met a bigger bitch than my mother. But anyways the credit card thing was resolved and everything is good. Justin is home which i am happy about=]. I missed my brother. Although since he has been back he hasn't really been home. I don't blame him.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

you know.

"in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near
your slightest look will easily unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose"

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

<3 yaaay.

Ahhhhhh i just found out that there is an all new Sarah Silverman Program coming in october=]=]=]=]=]. yayyy that makes happy=]. I love her.

Saturday, September 20, 2008


I swear I'm yours to keep.
Consumed with consuming
Soon I'll swallow people whole
I'll have back what strangers stole
If I can't find my happiness
I'll soon devour yours
I'll sing your weary head to rest
With my overture
Cause I fell in love with an empty place
But I want yours

Friday, September 19, 2008

"the new girl"

so i met jon's new "girlfriend" Vanessa and here is what i think - 1. she is too "girly" (brianna is cool and down-to-earth). 2. she is way too nice (brianna takes out bitches. amazing.) this girl couldn't take out a cricket. 3. she is constantly on her F-ing phone, the whole time she was "meeting me" she was talking to someone else. ( bri shut her phone off and said fuck you to anyone who tried to call when we were hanging out. If you haven't figured it out, i like brianna waay more and i really miss her=(. shes like my sister. shes been in my life for a long while now. i'm probably more upset about this brake up then my brother is. I really wanted her to be my sister-in-law. Bri called me today and told me that she still sees me as her "sister". then she came over and we talked and it was really upsetting=(. i hate it when people leave. wtf. oh and then jon came and kicked bri out of My house. he's being such an ass. not to mention that he went out with Vanessa the day they broke up. Im pissed. I don't like this.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

let me just tell you

I would never marry a weatherman because they are all fucking liars.
They tell you it's going to be a beautiful day and ommm it's not. All cloudy and shit. cold. fucker.
I just really dislike, no, no i hate the weatherman and his weathermanly-ness. lame.
I'm sure no one actually checks the weather and im probably the only one. And I can tell you that your guess to what the weather is going to be is as good as the weathermans. Im just going to flip a coin and go by that. heads for rain, tails for sun. damn i could be a weatherman.

Alright im done ranting.=]

i just burnt my finger pulling cupcakes out of the oven.

You always have my attention,
and please speak up, lover.
Make those lips move.
Come back on the weekend forever
'cause you don't mean to shake that way
Come back on the weekend forever
'cause you don't mean to.
Stay with me and I will try to tell you.

Saturday, September 13, 2008


"When you are in love you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams."
-Dr. Seuss=]

Tuesday, September 2, 2008


You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask for the sea.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

school sucks even when im not going.

I hate that everyone left=( where the hell did the summer go? I miss my brother more then anything. He is so far. Montreal is amazing though. There's definitely a lot more to do there then here. I feel guilty for wanting him to come back because i know that he'll grow a lot more there. It's just weird not having him here. He's my twin, enough said. It's not all bad that he's gone though, i feel like i had relied on him way too much for things and this is a chance for me to become more independent, which lord knows i need to be. It's just that I've never really had to do anything by myself. And now that maggie is gone, whoe's going to do stupid things with me? and come over when im bored and i have no plans? and laugh at things that no one thinks is funny? lame gahh=(. Im glad camille is still here. I don't know what I'd do without her. shes my fave.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

4 days.

I know its not to get away from me,
You just need a change of scenery.

I dont think i'll ever learn.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008


ahh i feel like i could explode. Im not sure if it's in a good way or a bad way. Right now i just can't sleep and I'm veeerryy tired. Also I have to get up at 5:30. Ahhhh im so frustrated, my mind won't turn off. I always have like a thousand things racing through my head and most of them are retarded. uhh yep.

Thursday, July 31, 2008


I've decided to start college in January. Actually I've always wanted to start in the winter and my parents have both said no. So today i was signing up for fall classes and my mom says "Are you sure you want to start in the fall? wouldn't you rather start in the winter?". I was so happy. I need this time to figure out what I want to do with my life. Radiology is still my number one choice but I have some doubts. Not to mention I have a lot of growing up to do. I need to get a job and i neeed to get my license (which I should be getting my date back any damn day now.) I know it's only like six months until January but i think i can figure some things out in that time. I want to see if I cant get out of Maine for a little while. The thing is I have no idea where the hell I'd go... Portland, Oregon perhaps? haha yeah I have no idea why I want to go there so badly. I use to really want to go to Providence, Rhode Island and now i could give a shit less about the place. Maybe it's just one of those things. Right now is the happiest i've been in a while. I needed to get something off my chest which I had been carrying for a while ( no, not my boobs) and I did. Oh and is that a little ambition im feeling? hmm well thats new. i loooove youuu.

Saturday, July 26, 2008


Fate is an elegant, cold-hearted whore.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008


alright well my kitten has worms and i called the vet to make an appointment for her. The closest date they could give me is monday. So now I have to deal with a gross wormy cat for like 5 more day. I feel bad but I just can't look at her the same. She grosses me out. eww my cat is gross.... she definitely just ran into my laptop twice while I was typing. My cat is gross and retarded... that's it I'm giving her to Justin.

Monday, July 21, 2008

baby is my second name

movies are sexy.

my top 4 movie theater list for this summer so far.

1. The Dark Night.
2. The Hulk
3. Wanted
4. Iron man

they're all action movies and im surprised i liked them so much because a lot of action movies suck.

and im sure when step brothers comes out it will be ammmazing. it looks hilarious. it better not be shitty because i'd be verry disappointed. yeah thats pretty much it... =)

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

attach means identity

"it's easier to walk away. the harder choice is to stay"

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

no kitty thats a bad kitty

i got a new kitten, rawry. shes my baby. so far its thrown up in maggies car twice. the second time was all over her shirt that was on the floor. delicious. my older 12pound cat wants to eat her. again, delicious. shes cute. my older brother and his girlfriend got in a fight and now hes living with us temporally. she made him take their cat franky. right now we have a house full of cats... lame since they all hate each other.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

yeah, about that...

lately my favorite past time has been shooting my tv with a toy gun. It makes me happy, not gunna lie.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

ohh family

ahahaha brianna i love you. if my brother doesn't marry you, i will. good times B)

My drunk aunt- "ohh how i wish i was a watermelon. I really Really wish i was a watermelon..."

Me- " yeah well I wish i was a cucumber in a prostitution house.... mmm"

i got smacked by like my whole family.

Friday, June 27, 2008

ahhh saco. full of the best people you'll ever meet.

me, camille, maggie, and justin went to funtown and it was amazing. there's so many creepers there. mmm i love it. then we saw the hulk which i completely recommend seeing. Then we were trying to get home from saco and of course justin gets completely lost and we ended up going in a circle 3 times. Any ways, we go to Duncin Donuts and theres this Chinese woman trying to take our order and she couldnt speak english to save her life.... i cant even finish the story. Ahhhh that woman can fall off a cliff. In the end we just left and went to starbucks. justins cup holders in his car was full so i told maggie to put one of the old soda cans out the window the next time we were at a stop light. well maggie dicided to throw it out the window while justin was driving on a 4 lane street. the can was full and i ended up hitting (or almost hitting) the car beside us. the driver was this blond red neck bitch who probably didnt know how to boil water. poor maggie couldnt say she was sorry enough and the blond bitch was screaming at her calling her a cunt. I could have pushed her off a cliff along with the chinky retard. ahhh good times...=).

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

hellz yeah.

Oh hey maggie. today i got the Chelsea handler book Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea. I haven't even opened the book but i already know its amazing. I love that bitch. Although I'm not the biggest fan of the Chelsea Lately show. The Chelsea Handler Show was 12938470128934 X better. it was friggen hilarious. Nothing can beat the Sarah Silverman Program though. I hate people that don't find the humor in that show. I could quote her all day. I would marry her... but i cant... shes a jew. I totally got about 15 hours of sleep today and im still tired... yawn. I've been a sleepy head lately... boooo. lame. maybe i've been getting too much sleep.

Saturday, June 21, 2008


I feel that when I'm old
I'll look at you and know
The world was beautiful

Friday, June 20, 2008


I have two BAGS of ring pops. need I say more?

Thursday, June 19, 2008

mm delicious

These past two weeks have been so big. I graduated, I turned 18, I got a tattoo, aannnd i finally sent out (which that should have been done like two years ago but ehh whatev.) now all i need to do is get a job........... or not. either way im good. I want my new kitty! therese like 9073485263875 working the streets. i just want one. damn it. gaaa.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

I'll still wave goodbye watching you shine bright

I've learned that I will lose all that I've ever loved one day,
But I never thought I'd ever have to watch it all go,
Or wish it all away.
I know you''ll grow,
But I wish I knew you'd stay small if I said so.
Please just don't grow.
Please just don't grow.
Stay small.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

birthday num nums.

me and camille made justin a birthday cake and i just ate waay too much of it. but damn was it good. she got me the best presents.=) i love her.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

its about damn time

today was amazing. =)yay. It was good from the minute i woke up, and my birthday is in 2 days. yay. i don't really care about graduation, if anything its getting in the way of our (me and justins) birthday week. hoopyeah 18. FINALLY i can buy porn.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

"don't just tell me what you want me to hear and ill be fine"

i think that you will always have me no matter what. give me a call and i'll be right there. promise.

uhh O

my nana had another heart attack=( i spent the night at Goodall which is the shittiest hospital i have ever seen. Well, they don't know if its the beginning of a heart attack or the end of one. I visited her like an hour before this all happened and she was fine. She was all smiles and laughing. The nurse said that it was the best day she has had since she's been at the nursing home. hmmm...
Also i completely forgot about Sanfords graduation. So.. Congratulations!

Friday, June 6, 2008


you are yet another person to prove me wrong. i want my w/e attitude back, im sick of feelings.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008


ok... i have like two BFF's and i have no idea what their names are. there is something wrong there. I'm just going to call them emily and travis. It's prbably like macey and sean but w/e. I passed english so im graduating.=) yayyyy. -happy- and i didn't have to take my gym final. yayyy -even happier-. aaand i dont have to be to school until 12:30 tomorrow. i know, your jealous of my awesomeness. hoOop yeah. oh and i secrety want you.

Monday, June 2, 2008

ready when you are

this has left me heart broken. my heart, she is broken.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

you broke it

I HATE FINALS!!! i hate that i have so many. not to mention that i left all of my books in maggies car. so thats fun.

Friday, May 30, 2008

omm, not so much.

"Justin! Justin... am I a good singer?...I think i should pair up with Miley." "OH MY GOODNESS! Watch Out For Those Bicyclists!.... Oh wait... that's a car.." "My muscles are so threatening."

ohh today was... interesting / just plain shitty.
ohhhhhhh shoot me now.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

nobody looks at life the same

your insecurities are concealed by your pride
pretty soon your ego will kill what's left inside
just as beautiful as you are
It's so pitiful what you are

Friday, May 16, 2008

you got much closer then i thought you did

I have soo many things running through my mind lately. I’m in a constant state of confusion, even more so then usual. In the past I’d look towards the future to get me through the present. Now when I look towards the future I feel like chunking. I don’t want to start all over again, especially alone. So damnnn! I also need to get my freakin license. I need a proper ID if I want my amazing tattoo. Ouiawyedsipujuihjdasn I’m pissed. I’m so far behind.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Tuesday, April 29, 2008


why is it i always expect things to stay the same when in reality i know they have to change. I really hate change, i dont think i fear it, i just hate it. I never use to be like that, i use to love change until i moved and realized that change isnt always for the better... then again i dont really know if it was for the worst. I guess im in love with the familiar and knowing what things are outside my comfort zone. In less then a year everything is going to be different and im not sure if im really ready for it.

Friday, April 25, 2008

aww adorable.

ok... im in love. my older brother got a kitten and i fell in love with it. it is like six weeks old. the first time i picked it up, it licked my nose and i melted. now im jealous and all i want is a new something, like a puppy or another cat. today i went tanning and there were new bulbs and my ass is now buurnt. mmm i love it. and what the hell, where did vacation go? it went by so fast. i just want to be done with school. i dont even care that this is our last year. there is no boohooing coming from this girl. i was like done with school in the first grade. boooo school is lame. and i am not looking forward to college and with everyone leaving me. i haate maine. i want to get out of here so bad. this state is so freaking boring.... but my brothers cat is cute, i guess thats where i was going with all that.... peace.

Friday, April 18, 2008

c s

No one has to know
Playback, delete, and rewind
Each one is louder than the one before
And the people you care for
At ten times the expenseof all that you spent
You'll be relieved when
When you open up
You let yourself seem vulnerable
And the morning sun
Will make our bodies comfortable
In taking off your clothes
Everything hidden is suddenly exposed
You'll keep it on the inside
'Cause that's the safest place
'Cause that's the safest place to hide
All of your friends are gone
And you were barely holding on
We were wrong and they fooled us once again
We are the loneliest of men, we're the loneliest

Sunday, April 13, 2008

dumb moments

me- "hey look, full moon.... oh wait, thats the sun."

the sad thing is i wasn't kidding.

Friday, April 11, 2008

we're living in a death house.

Okay, so why is it that in this household we get in trouble for leaving a shirt on the floor but when my mom finds something that she’s not suppose to find, nothing happens. Seriously I think I’d be in less trouble if I like killed someone rather than if I forgot to feed my cat. It’s kind of funny, I would seriously rather tell my mom that I was pregnant then tell her that I forgot to fold the laundry. People who know me knows that my family is really dysfunctional, that’s right I do what I want. Work it. Aahh I’m just happy that no one is in trouble=). ...... oh and Edgar thought pork was from turkeys. haha i love him hahaha, we is so smart.... Buffalo is totaly in Canada.; )

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

listen to it roar

Well lately I’ve been feeling not so ghettoly fabulous as I should. I guess the only reason why I ever felt so “fabulous” is because I hate dealing with emotions, so I don’t. I blame this on my older brother who would never let me cry growing up. So when I do feel down I think I’m just being weak.( I swear I’m not as emo as I sound) Thus I have suppressed any negative emotion resulting in an ulcer. But that is just fine, I personally think that ulcers are sexy as all hell and I like it when my stomach roars. No I’m just “stressed”. The one thing that I am PISSED off about is that I cant have spicy shit, dairy and the one thing that I can’t live without…. Coffee. Yeah I’m totally having coffee, no man can take that heavenly goodness away from me, they can fuckin lick it.=) ha love it. Mmmm coffee is soo delicious ( I’m going to rant about coffee now.) it just… I don’t know… takes me there. It’s friggen amazing and I don’t understand how Camille doesn’t love it… (well guess what Camille, I don’t like chai!!! So HA!….. No I totally like chais.) I’m convinced that she will soon be addicted to the coffee as I and my brother are. Right now I am skipping school because I’m awesome and I can definitely afford to take a day off( that’s sarcasm right there). Oh well, loves.