Friday, July 31, 2009

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

"Oh you know how it is. Me and my strap-on." aahahahahah

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

:) There's a vibrator named GiGi.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

fortune cookie

Our life is the creation of our mind.

Friday, July 24, 2009

I always come to the same conclusion.
Stress is going to kill me.

Saturday, July 18, 2009


For some reason this kind of upset me today. I was looking through an old friends new pictures and I kept thinking "why am I not there?" And I realized that we really have nothing in common anymore. Still, I wanted to be there. It's not them who have changed, it's entirely me. Sometimes I miss the way I used to be and doing the things I used to do, but I know that would have gotten me nowhere fast. It was fun.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

And the worst part is there's no one else to blame.



Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Sunday, July 5, 2009



(I have this song in my friggen head all the time. It's not even that good.)

Pale Blue Dot

The Receiving End of Sirens.


The stars were bright, the water clear
I felt your heat as you swam near
I held my breath, you held my hand
Moving away, further from land
The moon was full, everything blue
The water stilled, reflecting you
Floating right here with you next to me
Gazing at stars, we drift silently
Late at night, the air was cool
We snuck into the swimming pool
I went under and you followed
Let's not think about tomorrow

The Unconscious

"In one of his lectures, Freud introduced the concept of the unconscious by describing a patient who felt irresistibly compelled to hurry into a nearby room, stand by a certain table, and summon the parlor maid. She would then dismiss the maid but would soon feel compelled to repeat the sequence. The meaning of the ritual was a complete mystery to her and very distressing. Then one day she spontaneously understood it.
She was separated from her husband, with whom she had lived only briefly. On her wedding night her husband had been impotent. Through the course of the night he had repeatedly hurried from his room into hers, attempted intercourse, and failed. The next morning he had poured red ink on the bed so that the maid would believe his bride had been deflowered. However, he hurriedly positioned the spot of ink in such a way that his stratagem was defeated.
Since the separation this woman had lived celibate and alone, her life crippled by obsessive rituals, thinking of her husband with exaggerated respect and admiration. She told Freud there was a stain on the cloth covering the table by which she stood when summoning the maid. She stood in such a way as to be sure the maid would see it.
The woman had unconsciously designed the ritual to save her husband from humiliation by symbolically showing the maid the hymenal spot on the sheet."

Michael Kahn - Primary process

"Primary process operates without regard for reality. This implies a strange kind of logic. There is no concept of mutual contradiction or mutual exclusion. 'I expect you to love me after I've insulted you.' The laws of reality and logic being so loose, strange association's can exist: I love and fear my father. I am conscious of the love but the fear is unconscious. A horse is a large, intimidating figure like my father. I'm not consciously afraid of my father but rather of the horse. Primary process is timeless. It recognizes no past and no future. If something was dangerous 20 years ago, it is still dangerous. If I am suffering now, I will always suffer. If, long ago, I was afraid my parents would punish me for bad thoughts and bad acts, the fear of that punishment remains in full force even after my parents are long dead. In the realm of primary process there is no distinction between fantasy and reality, between wish and action. If I want my father dead I might be as guilty as if I had killed him. Should he actually die from some totally unrelated cause, I am convinced I killed him, and the guilt is severe."

The mind is just... baffling. The primary process is apart of the unconscious mind. A person should take the steps to push it into their conscious mind where it may become part of the secondary process. The secondary process describes the familiar world of logic. Events occur in an orderly sequence. What's past is past and what's future has not yet come. It is the world of cause and effect.

The primary process isn't necessarily bad. The realm of primary process contains the raw material for our poetry, our creativity, and our playfulness. A world of pure secondary process most like a sterile world. Freud taught that the artist is one who can explore the realm of the primary process and then make an artistic unity out of what is found there. He might have added that the same applies to the passionate lover and the imaginative companion.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Oh jesus, there's sun today! Praise 'em!

what summer?

I'm getting so sick of this weather :(. It's making me sad. Yesterdays thunderstorm was pretty kick ass though. I love lightning. I also got a burrito and I made a smoothie so that cheered me up. I miss summer. I want to go outside wearing nothing and not shiver my ass off. It's hard to be a hooker in the summer when you have to wear a jacket.
"that's because you're a dog of many horns, lover jillian."