Saturday, November 29, 2008

mmm windex

I can't turn my head off :(. It's going a million miles an hour and I'm really not in the mood for it. Whenever this happens I usually try to get lost in doing pointless things. I spent the entire day in my room cleaning everything in sight. I mean everything. I washed my drawers? I think I've finally lost it. I woke up freaking out that under my bed was a mess. It's not anymore. Mitzy was under my bed while I was cleaning it and every time I put my hand under she would bite me. It was kind of funny and kind of scary. ahhh I keep thinking ahead and I'm expecting the worst. negative nancy. :( I'm just not a happy camper right now.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

turkey sluts

This holiday was one of the best, tension and stress free holidays that i have ever had. While my family headed off to Massachusetts to eat turkey with some loud and obnoxious Moscone's, Justin and I stayed home and made our own Thanksgiving. We had planned on getting chinese take out but to our surprise (not really) the chinese place was closed. Thank god for plan B (not the morning after pill). We made some delicious salmon with this amazing hot raspberry sauce, wild rice, spicy broccoli, mushrooms, and pan seared shrimp. Ohh my goodness it was so good. Honestly it was probably the best thing I have ever eaten. It was fun cooking and knowing that no one would scream at us if we made a mess. We laughed all day. This was the first holiday that I really realized and got to see how the whole "holiday happiness" thing comes from and has a lot to do with the people who surround you. People really have no idea how tense my house is around the holidays (or any day for that matter) when my mom and dad are here. It's horrible, no one can relax. I don't understand how people can be so ready to fight all the time. Having Justin in my family keeps me sane. He's really the only one I actually like. I guess if I'm thankful for anything on this day it would be that I have him in my family. I'm also thankful for anyone else who is in my life that i love and who keeps me going.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

sarcasm? whats that?

So omm i just saw Twilight and it was totally everything i'd ever hoped it would be! Edward, with all of his sparkly goodness and his big ass head just stole my heart! If someone could just please please please watch me while i sleep and stalk the shit of me that would be fantastic!!! Not to mention highly romantic. He's just so protective of Bella, it's not even remotely creepy. The way Edward just shimmered and sparkled in the sunlight made me feel like my soul was shimmering and sparkling as well. God he's pretty! (pretty gay). I use to think that when people were staring at me with hate in their eyes meant that they didn't like me but ohh was i wrong! I now know that it means they love me and like the way i smell! Edward made me see that people with huge heads usually have huge hearts (and probably a small penis). I'm kind of upset that Bella ended up with Edward because that means Edward is taken! I'm just going to have to search for my own magic glitter boy. I think i'll have some luck at the techno rainbow club. Oh what am i saying? even the gayest most sparkliest man could never compare to Edward! Mrs. Jillian Cullen. Yes, yes that sounds just right.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

rawry is on me... it's hard to type.

So i'm all signed up for classes and though i'm not 100% content with them, i'm not really displeased with them. I really wish i could have gotten into an art class but they couldn't fit my schedule around it. I went and saw Tibbz today and i told her about my heart ache and she said that if she was there, she would have taken care of me. I do love that woman. Today i had my interview with bath and body works and i must say... yeah girly stores really aren't for me. It was a group interview and the woman giving the interview said that we were all "qualified". damn right i'm qualified i'm fuckin' famous. i think im going to apply to petco and go from there. I really don't want to sell people lotion that smells like ass and will probably break them out. Yeah i'm all set on that.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Be here now

Don't let your mind get weary and confused
Your will be still, don't try
Don't let your heart get heavy child
Inside you there's a strength that lies
Don't let your soul get lonely child
It's only time, it will go by
Don't look for love in faces, places
It's in you, that's where you'll find kindness
Be here now, here now
Don't lose your faith in me
And I will try not to lose faith in you
Don't put your trust in walls
'Cause walls will only crush you when they fall

Thursday, November 13, 2008

look whoes trying

Alright, this time is for real now. I'm signing up for all of my classes on the 17th which is Monday I think and I have a job interview with bath and body works on Wednesday. I walked into bath and body works today to hand in my application and it just smelled like a holiday whore in there. blahk. Justin and I agree that I really have no place in a girly sparkly store but whatev. I'm not going to be that disappointed if i don't get the job, not gunna lie. I've already had two anxiety attacks just thinking about starting school and a new job. I don't understand why because I want to go to school and i (kinda, not really) want to get a job (I really need money). I've found that the things that I fear the most are usually the things that I want the most. I kind of like putting myself through the things that I fear because most of the time it means that I'm moving forward. Soon maybe I'll have a life! Also, Jonathan has been talking about moving to Rhode Island and now I'm kind of looking into Rhode Island again. I was pretty much obsessed with the idea of moving there when I was a freshman. I really have no reasons why, I've never even been. It just sounds like a good idea. Then again there's always Oregon. I'll probably just end up following Justin. I'm staying in Maine for a while, that's all i know.
Oh! Oh! I keep forgetting for some reason that Sarah Silverman is on tonight and every time I see a commercial for it I just fill up with glee. oh I do love that woman.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


Tell me the air up here's too thin
You can't feel the wind when it moves
Tell me the stars are made of tin
And that they're bangin on the roof
Close your eyes
If you dont want to say
Close your eyes
What keeps you awake?
The sun will rise
And keep your mind at ease
So close your eyes

Sunday, November 9, 2008

screws and power tools.

Yesterday was just full of lovely surprises. Camille surprised me in the morning with coffee which was just the best way for me to start my day.=]. Maggie surprised me by coming over for a sleepover party where we ate way too much food and watched "scary" movies. Also, I may have raped her. Amazing. Yesterday was just a really good day filled with all of my favorite people. I love it when Maggie comes home from college. It always feels like nothing has changed. Today was just another Sunday. I really hate Sundays. Even the word just makes me feel so.. I don't even know. I was woken up at 6 by my parents screaming at each other, which i know was probably a joy for Maggie to hear. I pretty much spent the rest of the day in bed. I'm still really tired. Oh, I also helped my dad build a counter today. My dad always wanted three boys but he got two and me. Turns out I'm of more of a "boy" then his two sons. Not too proud of that one.

Thursday, November 6, 2008


It's not that I hang on every word
I hang myself on what you repeat
It's not that I keep hanging on
I'm never letting go

Wednesday, November 5, 2008


“Proposition 8 is a societal stabilizer and better for children to have marriage only defined as man and woman.” BULLSHIT! I don’t understand why everyone still doesn't have equal rights. I don’t understand why gay’s are still treated like second class citizens. I’m sick of hearing, “the bible says this” and “Jesus doesn’t like that“. The things about homosexuality were put in the bible long after the bible was written. Also the bible doesn't say shit about gay marriage. I laughed about the fact that Mormons were for Prop 8. Are you fucking kidding me? Proposition 8 is the fucking gayest ban that has ever been passed in my opinion.

“Lawyers for same-sex couples said they will argue that the anti-gay-marriage measure was an illegal constitutional revision -- not a more limited amendment, as backers said.The legal action contends that Proposition 8 actually revises the state constitution by altering such fundamental tenets as equal-protection guarantees.”


Tuesday, November 4, 2008

President Obama.

=]=]=]=]=]=] Yay Yay Yay Obama! finally it's over. no more retarded McCain and Palin. McCain'08!!! Ha Ha. Ew my ignorant uncle called today and Justin picked up the phone and my uncle was like, "Obama is a terrorist, he's going to kill us all.". You can just imagine Justins response. He was so pissed. WELL HA stupid uneducated uncle, you can take your McCain signs and shove them up your ass! Justin and I had to make our parents vote today. Shouldn't it be the other way around? ahh I feel relieved that Obama is president. relieved and hopeful and just happy. Black Power! i honestly would have moved to Canada if McCain became president. Yay =].

things that are on my mind.

-you know, i think i've found a good balance emotion wise. before they were just, i don't know, too strong i guess. negative and positive which just drove me crazy. but yeah now im good. im happy.
-your the only person that could make my heart pound this way.
-thank you sarah silverman for calming me down.
-i feel like my life will soon be going somewhere. even if im not 100% sure what im going to do with it.
-i hate keeping secrets and this one is kind of weighing me down. it's also alllways on my mind.
-some of my thoughts won't make sense to most people and don't ask.
-if obama doesn't win tomorrow im moving to canada.
-venassa called me selfish today at the dinner table and i felt like throwing my chicken cutlet at her.
-i've found that i really don't need the acceptance of my mother (i really felt like i did). bitch i do what i want.
-i grew up with this huge "fuck you" attitude and it's kind of coming back. it's really not a bad thing. it's more of a shield if you will.
-i really need to make money to buy people christmas presents.
-the nerves in my neck are just horrible.
-im over missing brianna. i got over that faster then i had expected.
-im getting tired. its getting late.
-i wish i could become famous for doing nothing.
-i love you.
-we're getting new counter tops that are sexy.
-i wish i had my own place (well not my own, with a roommate.)
-i always write these things at a very late hour when my head is just all over the place. probably not the best thing.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

twins n shit

I said i was going to go to bed early tonight but... yeah i don't think that is going to happen. You see i was thirsty and I noticed that my mom bought me two boxes of diet mountain dew=]. So that is what I am currently drinking which means I'm going to be up all night. I told Camille that i was going to dedicate my next blog to being a twin with justin. So here it is.

I can't imagine going through life without a twin. There's a bond that no one could break -- (okay justin just came in my room drunk and he was choking on an apple peel, perfect!) -- I feel like no matter what I do I know that at least one person will always accept me. He's the one person that I'm really the most comfortable with, we can be ourselves without being judged by one another. I love the fact that we've always been friends. I mean, I'm friends with my older brother Jon but we could never be as close as Justin and I. Also, I think Jon is douche bag. Justin's a douche bag but its funny. It's scary to think that I'm going to be starting school without him. When we moved to South Berwick we knew that even if we hated everyone it would be fine because at least we had each other. (everything I'm writing just sounds really cheesy.) I'm afraid to start someplace new and not have anyone. I actually have a huuuge fear of being alone, of ending up alone. When justin and i are together there is always this sense of comfort, like no one could really hurt us. I know that in order for me to grow i need to step out of that comfort zone and not rely on Justin always being there. Growing up with someone pretty much glued to your hip kind of makes you depend on that person a little bit too much. - that's probably the only "down" side about having a twin. So yeah, that's what i have to say about being a twin... boop.
Oh one more thing, to all the people who are like "why are you friends with your brother? that's just weird. You guys hang out together? why?", Fuck you tard.