sleep

So last night Justin came home. I fell asleep in his room and he fell asleep in mine? I really don't know why.

Don't know why i found this funny.

blah

My moods have been very bipolar lately. One minute I'm completely stressed out over getting a job, school work, school work, more school work, Vanessa moving in, and then the next I'm completely care-free. I want so badly to just give up, to say fuck you to school and to everything that is stressing me out. But I've done that in the past and that in turn just causes more stress. I keep telling myself that there's only two more months of school and that everything is going to be better. However, when I finally am out of school I have to worry about getting an apartment and another job up near Portland. Growing up kind of sucks... I really want to just skip the next five years. Then again, that would be a waste of youth.

Going through the motions
Tell me how come no one gets what they really want
And love only when it's convenient
We act like we know more than we know
We treat love like it's something you owe

.

I feel like I can't rely on much these days... Everything is changing, or at least it's going to.

z

Every time I write something that I don't want to write, I unconsciously pull off my z key. I'm in the middle of writing my Auschwitz research paper and I can't get my z key back on. This really sucks because I have to go back and put in all the z's that I've missed. Just ehh. There are a lot of z's that you have to use when talking about the holocaust; AuschwitZ, NaZi, stariliZations, you get the point. Tedious.

ha poem

When I start to come down, you lift me back up
And it’s always a surprise, although it really isn’t.
As I approach that dark place I feel you pull me back
Back into the light where I don’t want to be.
Oh how I hate you, Guard Hand.
And when it touches you, it sticks to you like glue
Squeezing tighter as you struggle to make your way back down.
If you could say but one word
I imagine it would be “NO”.
Oh how I hate you, Guard Hand.
Stay persistent, maybe this time you’ll get through!
Maybe it’s not watching!
Maybe… “NO”.
Damn you, Guard Hand.
Feeling defeated
You laugh at my expense.
Oh how I do love you.
But god damn you, Guard Hand.