rambling

Right now I have this very overwhelming feeling of exhaustion and happiness. I had a very surprising conversation with Celina the other day and it really just was a relief I guess would be the word. In some ways it kind of gave me hope (for lack of a better word), I don't know. Talking to her brought up a lot of things about the past and it really made me realize how much I have changed. I really never gave a shit about anyone, and now I'm always wondering if I have let anyone close to me down or if there is anything I can do to make them feel better or to take some stress off their hands. I don't know, I think the big problem that I have with other people (oddly especially my parents) is that they sometimes expect certain things from me and I really hate disappointing them when I just can't do it. I also hate thinking that people, even the ones that love me, won't except me or some of the choices that I have made. For a person that is feeling happy I'm sure talking a lot about things that I hate. Well anyways I saw Edgar today for the first time in forever. I couldn't talk to him one on one (although we both really wanted to) and i couldn't touch him because of his church rules. But other then that it was really nice to see him. He can always make me laugh. After that I went out with Justin and we just had an hilarious time, which is good because I've really been stressing about the whole college/job issue. I think once I actually get a life I'll be able to enjoy life a lot more. Not having an actual plan is getting scary. I'm really trying to work on my lack of ambition problem.