"She keeps me strong and sane while driving me crazy all at the same time."
"Sounds like you're in love."

aahaha

me - "yeah, but does it look bad on her?"

justin - "mmm it takes some getting use to..."

pale blue dot

I watched my guilt blossom before me
Like a tender shoot
With thirsty roots
O' how my garden grows
The shameful seeds I've sown
I watched its stems sprawl above me
Its dark shadow cast its cloud around me
But I can live with it
I'll live in it
There's no place like home
Sticks and stones won't break my bones
It's the branches and boulders I shoulder
I can live with it

mother dearest

It's gotten to the point where I can truly say that I hate my mother. She always makes me feel horrible for everything that I do and for what and who I am. I've completely given up on her. I want to move so far away from that psychotic bitch. She is so ignorant and naive, she constantly thinks she knows what's best for everyone. I never thought that I had to really prove myself to her. She's my mom, mothers should accept their children and support them, not make them feel like a second class piece of shit. Everything is really getting to me lately. I'm finding it harder and harder to distract myself from the things that upset me. I'm trapped and I'm going insane here.

hmf

Lately I have been overcome with jealousy. This is my absolute least favorite feeling. I cringe at the thought of jealousy, it's disgusting. To top it all off, the one person who I'm feeling the most jealousy towards is my own twin. This is the first time I've ever truly been jealous of him. I'm so proud of him, but it's the things that I'm proud of him for that are making me so envious. Usually when someone makes me jealous I push them away completely saying, "How dare you make me jealous! Fuck you, I don't need you." But I can't imagine doing that to Justin, I need him. So here I am filled with this emotion that I can't stand and I can't take it out on anyone so I'm left with the numerous anxiety attacks and stomach aches. Jealousy makes me extremely angry and I've been trying so hard for the past couple of weeks to hold it in. My nerves are so raddled, it's insane. It's entirely all in my head and I know this. I just need to get over myself.

feels like a sunday

Today seems to be going by extremely slow. I woke up about two hours ago and it feels like I've been awake for hours and hours. Maybe it's because I know I have nothing planned for the day. Or maybe it's because I'm doing homework. Good lord I'm bored...