hmf

Lately I have been overcome with jealousy. This is my absolute least favorite feeling. I cringe at the thought of jealousy, it's disgusting. To top it all off, the one person who I'm feeling the most jealousy towards is my own twin. This is the first time I've ever truly been jealous of him. I'm so proud of him, but it's the things that I'm proud of him for that are making me so envious. Usually when someone makes me jealous I push them away completely saying, "How dare you make me jealous! Fuck you, I don't need you." But I can't imagine doing that to Justin, I need him. So here I am filled with this emotion that I can't stand and I can't take it out on anyone so I'm left with the numerous anxiety attacks and stomach aches. Jealousy makes me extremely angry and I've been trying so hard for the past couple of weeks to hold it in. My nerves are so raddled, it's insane. It's entirely all in my head and I know this. I just need to get over myself.