Hey remember that time we decided to kiss anywhere except the mouth.

thinking

So much has happened in the last year. I like it.

That gay marriage bill better pass in Maine. I want to know if it did! We were supposed to know by 8 but no one is saying anything. If someone wants to get married, let them get married. Who cares? Whatever makes you happy. What's the worst that could happen? Two same sex people get married. Oh no.

call the plumber

I still don't know how you did that. :)

...

I got three hours of sleep because my cunt of a mother woke me up at 5:30 to tell me what a failure I've become. I really can't fucking handle all of this anymore.

Absolutely nothing is in my control anymore. My heart feels like its going to beat out of my chest.

I didn't know what to do. I wanted to leave with you.

You cool your bed-warm hands down
On the broken radiator
And when you lay them freezing on me
I mumble "Can you wake me later?"
But I don't really want you to stop
And you know it so it doesn't stop you

*

"I love you, adore you, cherish you, whatever, take your pick."<3

I excel when it comes to procrastination.

time for tea

damn it all

All I want to do for the next two weeks is curl up into a ball and wish for the days to go by faster. Oh and also hope for the best. I'm so happy for school to be ending but, fuck, it's stressful making sure everything is in, your grades are up, your final paper is well written, you've studied for the final exams... I hate dealing with stress:(. I hate presenting in front of a class full of horny creepers. damn it, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks... ahh and now i have to worry about transferring to USM. Do you know what I hate? When your mind races right before you want to fall asleep. This only happens every once and a while and I freakin' hate it. Okay, I also hate complaining and it seems I have done a pretty good job at that in this. I'm done.

Psych

"We don't see things as they are; we see things as we are."

"I have learned to accept my mistakes by referring them to a personal history which was not of my making."

"I do not believe that I am now dreaming, but I cannot prove that I am not."

"Who in the rainbow can draw the line where the violet tint ends and the orange tint begins? Distinctly we see the difference of the colors but where exactly does the one first blendingly enter into the other? So with sanity and insanity?"

"Sleep is like love or happiness. If you pursue it too ardently it will elude you."

"The heart has its reasons which reason does not know."

"Anger carries the mind away." (Virgil)

great show

Jack talking to Karen about her dead husband whom she "just talked to"-

"Oh my god what did he say? What does heaven look like? Do they let gay people in? No Wait! I want to be surprised!"

aahaha I died, I love him.

"She keeps me strong and sane while driving me crazy all at the same time."
"Sounds like you're in love."

aahaha

me - "yeah, but does it look bad on her?"

justin - "mmm it takes some getting use to..."

pale blue dot

I watched my guilt blossom before me
Like a tender shoot
With thirsty roots
O' how my garden grows
The shameful seeds I've sown
I watched its stems sprawl above me
Its dark shadow cast its cloud around me
But I can live with it
I'll live in it
There's no place like home
Sticks and stones won't break my bones
It's the branches and boulders I shoulder
I can live with it

mother dearest

It's gotten to the point where I can truly say that I hate my mother. She always makes me feel horrible for everything that I do and for what and who I am. I've completely given up on her. I want to move so far away from that psychotic bitch. She is so ignorant and naive, she constantly thinks she knows what's best for everyone. I never thought that I had to really prove myself to her. She's my mom, mothers should accept their children and support them, not make them feel like a second class piece of shit. Everything is really getting to me lately. I'm finding it harder and harder to distract myself from the things that upset me. I'm trapped and I'm going insane here.

hmf

Lately I have been overcome with jealousy. This is my absolute least favorite feeling. I cringe at the thought of jealousy, it's disgusting. To top it all off, the one person who I'm feeling the most jealousy towards is my own twin. This is the first time I've ever truly been jealous of him. I'm so proud of him, but it's the things that I'm proud of him for that are making me so envious. Usually when someone makes me jealous I push them away completely saying, "How dare you make me jealous! Fuck you, I don't need you." But I can't imagine doing that to Justin, I need him. So here I am filled with this emotion that I can't stand and I can't take it out on anyone so I'm left with the numerous anxiety attacks and stomach aches. Jealousy makes me extremely angry and I've been trying so hard for the past couple of weeks to hold it in. My nerves are so raddled, it's insane. It's entirely all in my head and I know this. I just need to get over myself.

feels like a sunday

Today seems to be going by extremely slow. I woke up about two hours ago and it feels like I've been awake for hours and hours. Maybe it's because I know I have nothing planned for the day. Or maybe it's because I'm doing homework. Good lord I'm bored...

noon at the moon

brother for sale

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yW56UrYb_LI

I use to sing this to Justin when we were little and he would get so upset. hahaha. It's really retarded.

*
And her fingers, like spiders,
Spun a web my body couldn't shed.

*
My pulse reverberates through this malleable shell,
With scars from shaping.

sit sit!

movie and jokes

Last night Camille, Justin and I went to see A Haunting in Connecticut after being nuisances at Barnes and Noble. We actually snuck into the movie since you know, it was Free Movie Tuesday and all. The movie itself was pretty good, I'd give it a B-/B. There were a couple of parts where we all jumped and laughed at ourselves for doing so. Paranormal shit is amazing, I love learning about it. It's just so strange and interesting and you're always left with a big ? . Fabulous.

Yesterday I skipped school for the first time. But it was so that I could do school work which is terribly lame. I got a lot done though... yeah!

Happy April Fools Day, Bitches! I have to think of a good one to pull on my mom. She's always fun to prank on April Fools Day because she's so freaking gullible. I'll probably sit her down and tell her that I'm pregnant and she'll be left with the same expression I have when learning about paranormal stuff, ?. This should be fun.

:)