sarcasm? whats that?

So omm i just saw Twilight and it was totally everything i'd ever hoped it would be! Edward, with all of his sparkly goodness and his big ass head just stole my heart! If someone could just please please please watch me while i sleep and stalk the shit of me that would be fantastic!!! Not to mention highly romantic. He's just so protective of Bella, it's not even remotely creepy. The way Edward just shimmered and sparkled in the sunlight made me feel like my soul was shimmering and sparkling as well. God he's pretty! (pretty gay). I use to think that when people were staring at me with hate in their eyes meant that they didn't like me but ohh was i wrong! I now know that it means they love me and like the way i smell! Edward made me see that people with huge heads usually have huge hearts (and probably a small penis). I'm kind of upset that Bella ended up with Edward because that means Edward is taken! I'm just going to have to search for my own magic glitter boy. I think i'll have some luck at the techno rainbow club. Oh what am i saying? even the gayest most sparkliest man could never compare to Edward! Mrs. Jillian Cullen. Yes, yes that sounds just right.