booo

This sad/stress thing comes in waves. Yesterday I woke up and I was fine for the whole day. Today I wake up feeling like shit and not wanting to do anything. I hate it. It's not as bad as when Justin went off to Montreal though. I was a hot mess then. Even when we were in high school and I knew he was leaving in like 8 months I was devastated. Now it's just about school and work and life among other things. I feel disconnected from things and the distance between me and the people I love growing. At this point I wouldn't blame them if they wanted to leave.

I've come to the conclusion that I am truly a type A on the inside but on the outside I'm (or i seem like I am) a type B. I hate putting on the act but that's pretty much what life is, a series of roles that we have to play.I just don't see the point anymore. I really try not to get stressed out about things. I'll even convince myself that nothing is wrong but it always comes back at full force. My back throbs from the amount of knots I have. I'm just so sick of it.

I want to tell you the things I'm afraid to say aloud. But instead I keep them hidden where they eat at me until I feel I could collapse.

We all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it

She's drawing X and O's
Right to her pantyhose.

FOR ONE HUMAN BEING TO LOVE ANOTHER; THAT IS
PERHAPS THE MOST DIFFICULT OF ALL OUR TASKS...
THE WORK FOR WHICH ALL OTHER WORK IS BUT
PREPARATION.

our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up

Somethin’ filled up
my heart with nothin’,
someone told me not to cry.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zdNdjF-htY

If things don't change I'm going to lose it.

I appreciate your help
But even you can't save me from myself
I used to know this boy
Who took notes in a book
But he ripped out all the pages
Before I got a look
At all the words he scribbled
At all the lines he filled
But the ink stains on his fingers
Told me he was skilled
At capturing a feeling
That most of us just miss
The simple pain of living
With goodbyes on our lips

.

I will not bow, I will not break
I will shut the world away
I will not fall, I will not fade
I will take your breath away
And I'll survive, paranoid
I have lost the will to change
And I am not proud, cold blooded, fake
I will shut the world away

ohmyheart

i want to sleep next to you. i want to spoon you and kiss the back of your neck 'cause the back of your neck smells amazing, always. i want to wake you up in the middle of the night after i go pee and squeeze you tight and watch you smile sleepily and fit your body against mine.

Camille asked me to be mean.

Camille, you're a poophead! >:O.




... not really. I love you. :)

You are the one,
I've been waiting for today
Here comes the sun,
Its been baiting morn' today
Lately I've lost my tongue
Today you found my song
I know not long has grown
I thank God you came along
You are the one
I've been waiting for today
And here comes the sun,
Its been baiting morn' today
You looked right through me,
There was no one else
I sat beside you and became myself today
Today

bad luck

This month already sucks ass. First I got a $70 ticket for my registration and now i have to pay over $100 to get my car registered. Yes on 1 passed yesterday and I want to kill someone. What the fuck. One step forward, two steps back, always. I have a chemistry test today and I don't even know what the hell is going on. I hate chemistry and if i fail, I mine as well change my major.

I don't feel the same. It's not so much a bad thing. I feel more independent which has a hint of me feeling alone. I'm in control of my own life (or at least I'm supposed to be) but thing's can't really be controlled.